Well, it’s been a little over 3 months now since we sold the house and started living “on the road”. Considering the major hit on emotions that we took I’m actually very surprised where we stand thus far. Let’s take a step back and describe a couple of the events and how it affected me.
After my peacock experience in August (see blog entry “Bob Chasing Peacocks”) there was a certain desire to move forward with what I felt God was leading us to. I had no doubt that the decision was correct, but there was a slight question on how all the plans would come to fruition. First, it seemed an impossibility that the house would sell quickly. It sold in four days. Second, the buyers had made a full price contingent offer. Their house, which hadn’t been put on the market yet sold within four days of their listing. Third, the buyer of their house had placed a full price contingent offer but had yet to close on their home. It closed in less than seven days. Fourth, we needed to find accommodations for Veda (Colleene’s mom) who had been living in a guest house on our property. A mobile home in a 55+ community popped up for sale in an appropriate price range and we were able to coordinate the purchase of that with the closing date of our home. Fifth, the moving company we had hired fully agreed to coordinate Veda’s move with our own. Everything closed on time (12/5) and Veda was able to move in to her home just after Christmas. Boom!!!
The thought of impossibilities was erased from my mind. It seemed God had answered every challenge that I had encountered and did so in a way that I never would have imagined. Emotional baggage was still up front and personal though, due to the fact that with this flash of activity I didn’t allow for adequate processing. I was still motivated by the move but separation anxiety was still lingering. I was considering all of the positives…no mortgage, no home maintenance, no insurance, no property taxes, no utility bills, and no clinging ideas of future improvements to the house. Couple that with the idea that we had left a beautiful home to the new buyers and they were ecstatic with the opportunity to raise a young family there. Everything would seem to be perfect…… And then came New Year’s Eve.
Colleene and I had arranged to attend a New Year’s Eve celebration with some close friends. The event was the typical celebration that we had done many times before. Somehow….as the clocked ticked down to midnight….my mind went back to the past year, then to the last several months, then to every difficult detail. The home that we had invested so much time and effort for the past seventeen years, the design that was our personal stamp and the memories that were made there. GONE!! The flood of emotions finally reared its ugly head. On the dance floor I found I had difficulty breathing and tears began flowing out of my head from everywhere…eyes, ears, nose, throat….ok, not really but I had to ask Colleene to walk in front of me out of the room as I buried my head to hide the anxiety I was experiencing. I had a meltdown outside in the corner of the lobby area and Colleene tended to my slobbering attempt to gain focus again. So much for a tough guy scenario! I managed to regain some dignity after a couple of glasses of sparkling wine, and somehow made it a go for the rest of the shortened evening.
So that was ten weeks ago. Time has been an ally and it seems that most of the pain has healed over a bit because of it. I also consider those who have lost far more than I have and it brings most everything back into focus. My difficulty I suppose is the fact that this entire scenario was a voluntary act and my struggle specifically centers around that. My ultimate desire through all of this though is to remain steadfast in my faith in God’s provision.
With that said, I still tear up as I ponder this blog entry as I still deal with the consequences of this drastic change in our lives. I know also that I need to write this, I need to open myself up to those who follow our blog. I need to allow this process to be witnessed by you, although this is not a comfortable task for me.
You all need to understand that you can do the same thing wherever you are in life. Sacrifices need to be made in order to clear out the mush that we tend to surround ourselves with. We all strive to get comfortable, too comfortable. I am finding that comfort doesn’t benefit growth in my life. It unwittingly stagnates the desires and dreams that God has granted me.
So, this is where I am now. I am continuing to look forward to each day and to the opportunity to share life with those that we cross paths with. I recently read a book, Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute. It was a very timely read in that it stresses the fact that we need to consider all those that we deal with as people…not objects. They have lives too, and we need to treat them with the consideration that they deserve….just as we do. This has been monumental to me in that I tend to give the benefit of the doubt more often than I used to. I guess you could say this has been an “aha” moment for an old retired cop/fireman. It also is very beneficial while traveling internationally, that’s for sure.
Colleene and I are extremely fortunate and blessed in being able to travel through this beautiful country. Something we have dreamed about since 1971. Thank you for following along with us, even though you probably got more from me than you really wanted to this time around.
Emotions come and go…but it definitely helps that we can trudge our way…together!
Thank you Bob.. This post really hit home to me.
Thanks for sharing your heart, Bob. It helped me realize the magnitude of your “Leap of Faith.”
I’m excited to continue following you and Colleene’s journey….both internal and external 🙂
Keeping you close in prayer,
Cheryl
Thanks so much for sharing Bob! Mark and I sold our home of 33+ years in June and made a move to Livermore. Although our “new chapters” are very different from one another’s, I certainly do understand the emotional aspect that is a very real part of making such a big change. We do get “comfortable” in life, don’t we, but growth really comes when we stretch ourselves to let go of what we feel is secure and allow God to provide something new. He can’t do it unless we give Him access. Your “letting go” is on a much bigger scale than ours, but we too have seen Him show up in amazing ways on this journey. We take all those beautiful memories with us from the years of previous chapters, and we add new ones to our story. God bless this incredible journey you are on, and it’s ok if the emotions of the previous chapters resurface. All that means is there’s an excellent story continuing to unfold. You’ve got the makings of an inspiring legacy when it’s time for the book to come to a close.
Your humanity is showing brother Bob, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your story today reminds me of an afternoon I sat with you in your office at the hacienda. It was the time Kathy and I were living in a rental cabin in Twain Harte and we had been ” snowed out “. We weren’t exactly homeless but we had sold our home in SoCal and were trying to make a go of it in a new place. I too, remember asking myself what I thought I was doing… lot of emotions.
We learn as we live….
Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful, compelling story because it resonates with events, emotions and thoughts I have in my life. I’m enjoying the journey you are sharing and look forward to future blogs. Enjoy and take care.
Hi Bob,
You have always been an inspiration. Now, even more so. May the LORD richly bless you and Colleene on your adventures.