Bob’s Heart on Home

You’ll notice in the following entry that I have spanned a period of approximately one month writing in diary style. My mind has wandered as circumstances have changed during that time. The first note is while we were still in New Zealand. The next entry was after we had returned to Morgan Hill for a week. The last entry was after Colleene had been in Brazil for approximately three weeks, and I had remained to get caught up on chores that had to be carried out in MH.

Last week of March 2017 still in NZ;

I admit that I’m a rookie at this. I guess I’m glad about it. The house I called home for many years was voluntarily relinquished close to five months ago. It was “home” because of the personalization of space and the familiarity of all aspects of its design. It was something that was nurturing, in a way. It felt good to be there. Too good. Now it’s gone…it’s in someone else’s possession. And you know, it’s kinda funny, but I’m feeling pretty good about it now.

First week of April in Morgan Hill;

So, I’ve been thinking about home ever since we left the soil of the USA way back in February. It’s weird because I don’t really know what home is right now. It can’t be the actual “roof over our head” type of thing because I don’t actually own that anymore and I’ve experienced a lot of pretty good roofs the last couple of months. It can’t be where the heart is because my heart is in a lot of places right now. I miss my good buddies and the breakfasts and bible studies we enjoy together.  I miss my family in the Morgan Hill area and in SoCal as well as all over the world. But they, are all busy with life, just as we are while on this journey. Now I’m recognizing that home might actually be what we find ourselves doing every day.  It’s our habits and our routine in life. Webster’s dictionary says it’s a “familiar or usual setting” as well as “the focus of one’s domestic attention”. Can that, in fact, be a short-term consideration or is there a definite length of time that determines when a home is a home? To make things even more complicated I sometimes find a location that seems like it could, in fact, be home…if only I would stay there long enough to fulfill the definition! I guess I bring this up because as much as I was impacted by the sale of our home, I am most satisfied in this point of life that the “freedom” from home enables ~ an existence out of the norm.

Third week of April;

But..I am also recognizing that there is a little something missing during the days and nights on the road. This existence out of the norm is all well and good, but there is a sense of loss in not having the “nest” to return to; a place that is truly your own. Not someone else’s sofa or spare bedroom. It’s got to be something that has your name on it and that familiar scent. It’s got to be a space that you know where the knives and forks are, the spare toilet paper or the nearest light switch is. Dang…I guess that meets the definition of home.

April 29 en route Panama;

I’ve been blathering on and on about home and what it really is in my own mind. As I sit in this airliner en route to Panama with approximately one hour left before arrival I finally recognized the ultimate definition of my home. I have been apart from Colleene for about three weeks. I am going to rendezvous with her when she arrives in Panama from São Paulo tomorrow morning. In all honesty and genuineness, I recognize that whenever she is with me we are home. Wherever I find myself with her by my side it is as good as any home could ever be. The surroundings we find ourselves in may not be as comfortable as what we have in the past considered “home,” but all in all we are home when we are together. Tonite I arrive in Panama City but tomorrow morning it becomes home…again.